Yes Please!!

Fuhhh-Q!

You think you're so sly...so sneaky...dodging bullets left and right by hiding evidence? You're both sick. You have NO clue what I know. You have no clue what I am capable of...what I could exploit. The bullsh*t, cowardly acts you're pulling are hilarious!! How dare you two insult my intelligence! You're just embarrassing yourselves and you don't even know it! What makes you think you need to hide what you've done? To spare my feelings? Please! Grow up. You may be the most pathetic duo I've ever met...let alone the WORST friends I could have ever asked for. Thank GOD the two of you aren't part of my life anymore. What a lesson. Luckily for me, I'm able to bury the hatchet, move on and stay focused on what I want in life...which is exactly what the two of you are sitting back waiting for...and will ALWAYS be waiting for.

I'm working my ass off to achieve what's coming for me...which is going to be so AMAZING. You think what's happened to your careers so far is embarrassing? That you've reached a low? Stagnant? Unemployed? Well, just wait...you deserve everything that's coming back on you. This is nothing...

...and I'm so happy that I get to sit back and watch without making a single move...
karma is a mother f*cker...

I could listen to this intro by XX for hours...

Domes in Black Rock City, NV

(theblight.net)

I am in a euphoric state of mind.
I feel as if I'm floating. It's amazing...but I'm kind of waiting for the "stupid" to wear off. I feel like Ron Livingston from Office Space...hypnotized. I really like it actually.

I lost my camera out on the Playa and I don't really care. I wigged out Sunday morning when I discovered it was missing. We went dome hopping in search for "the one with the cubby holes" and had no luck finding the camera. I know if it's returned to the lost and found that it won't work, but all I want is the memory card. But now I really don't have a worry. I believe that it'll come back to me if it's meant to be...especially at an event like Burning Man.

Audrey Kawasaki-Odaijini

(my ipod cover)

I love when my ipod knows what type of mood I'm in.
When I'm having a sh*tty day (like today) I shuffle the songs and they speak to me. Today I'm dealing with addiction (non drug related), anger, loneliness, stress and exhaustion. I've heard the first few songs so many times but these lyrics just popped out at me today...

"You ever want something that you know you shouldn't have?
And the more you know you shouldn't have it...
the more you want it?"-Rhymefest

"Go straight to hell boy..." -Clash

"Many is a word that only leaves you guessing. Guessing about a thing you really ought to know." -Led Zeppelin

"You only see what your eyes want to see. How can life be what you want it to be" -Madonna

"How long must you wait for it? How long must you pay for it?" -Coldplay

"Your ears are full but your empty.
Holding out your heart to people who never really care how you are." -Blur

I need to set shuffle dates more often.

Playa or dust...I mean bust!

So after a 5 year break, I'm heading back to the Playa to spend three days and two nights with a girlfriend of mine in Black Rock City, NV. We've been so excited that we're acting like giddy school girls. This adventure is going unbelievable! I can't wait to escape the "default world" for a few days...

Not on a plane, but in a train

Last night I dreampt I was traveling with an exboyfriend through the desert on a train. Our window view was sand for days and days but there were so many stops along the journey. At each station we saw someone we knew from the past when we were a couple but as the stops started getting more frequent we each started seeing people we met after we broke up. At the last stop, I noticed a band on his left ring finger. I asked him who that was from and he explained that it was from his current girlfriend...who had just got up to use the bathroom. I woke up immediately.

Farewell DM...

Black Balloon - The Kills

I have a headache...

Must lay off the candy, coffee and fake cheese!

It's all water and green tea from here on out...I'm back on the wagon.

Puppets (Amended) - Atmosphere

I think it's great how you used to be great...

"A lot of pressure in the middle of those shoulders

And we ain't gettin' nothing but older

Ain't nothing change but the day we run from

But nobody knows that better than you, huh?..."
(I Love Slug-o)

Why do boys run away? Too much pressure in the middle of those shoulders, perhaps? I keep finding the same type of man over and over again...interesting.

A relationship, as I knew it, ended yesterday. There were so many beautiful aspects about it...from the way we met at a bar without exchanging numbers then randomly meeting on the street the very next day...to the night we broke up under a tree in the rain with a tornado siren sounding in the distance.

Magical. But it had to end.

I've always known that if you are scared of losing someone, they are probably worth keeping around.

I tried and I lost him...more than once.

Last night, his arms posed as shelter from the raindrops that fell through the leaves of the tree we stood under. No words were spoken, just long stares into each others souls as we held one another...memorizing each others faces as if it were the last time we'd be this close. We knew it would be.

It was emotional, yet amazing.

As we exchanged one last long squeeze, he whispered "I Love You." The wind picked up, the thunder crashed, the rain poured in sideways flooding the streets and our shelter weakened...just as our relationship did. Our fingertips clasped, we kissed and yelled through the storm "I Love You" one last time before running our separate ways into the dark.

Fin.

What a dramatically confused lover he was...I'm gunna miss him.

...where can I find some? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Ahhhh...

Man I feel so at ease. I've let go of some of the most negative people in my life and it feels amazing. I had no idea that the reoccurring nightmares, the anxiety and the feeling of needing to crawl out of my f*cking skin all stemmed from them...her...the people I used to turn to for anything. It's all gone now...I can finally breathe.

Sideways

Photo by: Jean Louis Venne

It's dark and gloomy.
The rain is coming in sideways, slapping my window right in the face. It hurts me for some reason.
Brings me to the lyrics of this song by Citizen Cope...


You know it ain't easy

For these thoughts here to leave me

There's no words to describe it

In French or in English

Cause, diamonds they fade

And flowers they bloom

And I'm telling you

These feelings won't go away

They've been knockin' me sideways

They've been knockin' me out babe

Whenever you come around me

These feelings won't go away

They've been knockin' me sideways

I keep thinking in a moment that

Time will take them away

But these feelings won't go away...